Microwaves

Microwaves are like the bane of the home kitchen appliances. For one, the name alone is lame. A Microwave uses microwaves to heat up food. Wow, so the device is named the exact same as the technology it uses? How lame-brained were the inventors of it? I think a much more suitable name for it would have been "Magical cancer box that turns the outside of my hot pockets into molten dough, but doesnt heat up all of the inside." It never fails that when I put some food in the microwave that was in the refrigerator from the night before, the plate gets so hot I have to hold it with an oven mitt, and the surface of the food gets so hot I cant eat it directly after heating it up, but the food that isnt in contact with the air feels like I just took it out of the freezer. And why is it that I heat the food up so hot? I dont know. I guess its because I was under the impression that if I did, it would affect ALL the food I put in and not just the surface. Then, if youre in a hurry or really hungry, you dont have time to play the stir-it-up-and-put-it-back-in game. So youre likely to burn the crap out of our lip with the first bite, then get a brainfreeze with the second. You would think that since we are in a sophisticated technological society, we would all be able to go out to Walmart and buy microwaves that actually reheat food all the way through.

It doesnt stop with the actual heating, either. Youve also got to wrestle with these buttons. Youve got the digit buttons that dont work when you press them once, so you press them harder and put the number on the display twice. Since there isnt a back button to erase just one of the digits, youve got to press the clear button and redo the whole time. Hopefully you dont do the same thing the second time, or you might be sitting in front of the microwave all day crying "I just wanted my pizza warmed! Why have you forsaken me, Microwave God?" Then youve got the thousands of other buttons that no one ever uses, probably because no one knows what they do. Youd pull out the manual to check them, but you threw that out a long time ago because you figured using a microwave is fairly straight-forward. As a result, youve got Mode, Sensor, Program, Omega 3, and other buttons just collecting dust. Its like a big, radioactive graphing calculator.