I decided some of my old posts were a little too serious or biased, and took away from the comedic atmosphere of this blog. So, I commented them out.
Laughs all around, and the beers are on me! ^^
Sunday, May 18, 2008
The Ultimate Cell Phone
A while ago, I got into a debate with a friend over how cell phone makers can justify selling hand-held devices for as much as they do. This ultimately led to us breaking down all the features a cell phone can have, versus how many people actually want those features in a phone. Well, a household-name cell phone company recently polled people who wanted or already had a cellular communication device. The management sat down and tossed around some ideas, citing the results of the polls.
They decided to start with a palm-sized, fat device that could only allow the user to talk into it and play back the voice of someone else with one. However, this wouldnt sell too well since the market for cell phones apparently wanted phones for more than just talking and also had the mentality that thinner is more convenient as well as "sexier", and every self-respecting business owner knows sex sells. So, they made the brick-sized device about as thin as their index finger, citing that poll results showed people hate fragile phones and drop them often. This meant they couldnt make the devices paper-thin because they would break way too easily.
Next, they looked at reception. A big turn-off for the polled people was the thought of being in the middle of a call and having it cut out unexpectedly. So, they added an antennae that jutted out from the phone. This lowered the attractiveness of the phone, so they opted to put the antennae inside the phone, which meant they had to expand the phone since the antennae was so long as to allow excellent reception no matter where the user would be.
The makers realized that the phone was lacking software and other communication options. The phone users demanded that they have a way of sending text-based messages, as well as access to the internet, especially to check MySpace, Facebook, and YouTube. They added the software to do so, along with a teeny-tiny keyboard which fit over the numbers. But, another problem arose; the polls showed that another common complaint was that the users fingers would get cramped from using the small keyboard. So, they created a larger keyboard that attached to the phone. This was definately not attractive at all and was way too much work to have to carry around two different devices, so they put the phone screen on one panel, and the keyboard device on another, and hinged them. A flip phone!
Now, people were saying they wanted to be able to put music on their phones and plug headphones into them. They added the ports and software accordingly. The people were still not satisfied. They wanted the ability to take pictures and video like a camera as well. The software and camera was added.
The makers were almost satisfied with their new product, except for one last thing pointed out by the poll. People found it irritating that their cell phone screens were so small that they had to strain their eyes to read them. They decided that since the keyboard was already so big, they could fill the entire top panel with the screen. Another annoyance was that you had to use the keys to select what you wanted to do on your phone. People wanted a pointing device. The makers added it to the bottom panel along with the keyboard. Everyone was finally satisfied with the end product. The device sold out within a matter of days. Here is what the product looked like:
The moral of this story is that if you want a cell phone for more than just talking, YOU DONT WANT A PHONE! Buy a laptop! A decent one costs about as much as a cell phone anyways! What makes this story so funny is that it is, in a way, a true story. I asked a couple people what they liked and disliked about their phones and got answers that led me to believe these solutions were realistic.
They decided to start with a palm-sized, fat device that could only allow the user to talk into it and play back the voice of someone else with one. However, this wouldnt sell too well since the market for cell phones apparently wanted phones for more than just talking and also had the mentality that thinner is more convenient as well as "sexier", and every self-respecting business owner knows sex sells. So, they made the brick-sized device about as thin as their index finger, citing that poll results showed people hate fragile phones and drop them often. This meant they couldnt make the devices paper-thin because they would break way too easily.
Next, they looked at reception. A big turn-off for the polled people was the thought of being in the middle of a call and having it cut out unexpectedly. So, they added an antennae that jutted out from the phone. This lowered the attractiveness of the phone, so they opted to put the antennae inside the phone, which meant they had to expand the phone since the antennae was so long as to allow excellent reception no matter where the user would be.
The makers realized that the phone was lacking software and other communication options. The phone users demanded that they have a way of sending text-based messages, as well as access to the internet, especially to check MySpace, Facebook, and YouTube. They added the software to do so, along with a teeny-tiny keyboard which fit over the numbers. But, another problem arose; the polls showed that another common complaint was that the users fingers would get cramped from using the small keyboard. So, they created a larger keyboard that attached to the phone. This was definately not attractive at all and was way too much work to have to carry around two different devices, so they put the phone screen on one panel, and the keyboard device on another, and hinged them. A flip phone!
Now, people were saying they wanted to be able to put music on their phones and plug headphones into them. They added the ports and software accordingly. The people were still not satisfied. They wanted the ability to take pictures and video like a camera as well. The software and camera was added.
The makers were almost satisfied with their new product, except for one last thing pointed out by the poll. People found it irritating that their cell phone screens were so small that they had to strain their eyes to read them. They decided that since the keyboard was already so big, they could fill the entire top panel with the screen. Another annoyance was that you had to use the keys to select what you wanted to do on your phone. People wanted a pointing device. The makers added it to the bottom panel along with the keyboard. Everyone was finally satisfied with the end product. The device sold out within a matter of days. Here is what the product looked like:
The moral of this story is that if you want a cell phone for more than just talking, YOU DONT WANT A PHONE! Buy a laptop! A decent one costs about as much as a cell phone anyways! What makes this story so funny is that it is, in a way, a true story. I asked a couple people what they liked and disliked about their phones and got answers that led me to believe these solutions were realistic.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Truth
Well, this should be a nice little break from the seriousness of my last post.
"The truth is like sunlight...People used to think it was good for you." Every day, I find that quote to be more and more true. If you ask me a question and ask for a completely truthful answer, Im not going to sugar-coat it for you. Thats what the truth is. Its the blunt answer without any alterations. If you cant handle the truth, then why would you ask to hear it? Lately, people have been asking me for the truth about a lot of different things, and every time I give them the full-hearted true answer, they get upset at me for doing so. I tell it like it is, and I expect other people to do the same to me. I would much rather take the truth than a lie, even if the truth hurts, and I would NEVER get upset at someone for doing so.
People are so greedy. They want everything tailored to themselves. They want to hear the truth, but only if its convenient for them. They cant stand the idea of someone lying to them, yet they lie to everyone if it fits their agenda. They want to live in a world created for themselves, and they arent willing to create it themselves. They want to live on the fruits of someone elses labor, while completely refusing to be the laborer for someone else.
"The truth is like sunlight...People used to think it was good for you." Every day, I find that quote to be more and more true. If you ask me a question and ask for a completely truthful answer, Im not going to sugar-coat it for you. Thats what the truth is. Its the blunt answer without any alterations. If you cant handle the truth, then why would you ask to hear it? Lately, people have been asking me for the truth about a lot of different things, and every time I give them the full-hearted true answer, they get upset at me for doing so. I tell it like it is, and I expect other people to do the same to me. I would much rather take the truth than a lie, even if the truth hurts, and I would NEVER get upset at someone for doing so.
People are so greedy. They want everything tailored to themselves. They want to hear the truth, but only if its convenient for them. They cant stand the idea of someone lying to them, yet they lie to everyone if it fits their agenda. They want to live in a world created for themselves, and they arent willing to create it themselves. They want to live on the fruits of someone elses labor, while completely refusing to be the laborer for someone else.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Intelligence
Anyone who knows me knows how I feel about Society and what they classify as "intelligence". Intelligence to the rest of the world is NOT how smart you are, but how high the numbers on your report card are. Im here to set the definition straight. Intelligence is not measurable by a number or letter. It is not how much you can retain, but rather how much you can apply. Being the rogue individualist I am, I refuse to do all my work in school. In fact, I havent done a homework assignment in over 5 years! I see it as useless and a waste of my time to do every single assignment given to me. There is no reward. What do you get for doing your schoolwork? An additional number in the grade books that slightly affects that number on your report card? Wow, yes, thats definately something to be proud of. To keep up with schoolwork is to be stressed, constantly tired, and just flat-out not have that much fun with life.
Ive had teachers, friends, and family members all ask me why I dont do all of my schoolwork. The simple answer I tell them is I refuse to do more than what is required of me. If I can pass the class with a 70, why should I try to get anything higher than that? What incentive is there for getting a grade higher than what is absolutely necessary to pass? The reply I get is usually something about employers or colleges looking at grades. Well, Im not planning on going to college, so thats no problem. As for employers, if they want to gauge me by a make-believe standard set up by Society, then I dont want to work for them.
Ive had teachers, friends, and family members all ask me why I dont do all of my schoolwork. The simple answer I tell them is I refuse to do more than what is required of me. If I can pass the class with a 70, why should I try to get anything higher than that? What incentive is there for getting a grade higher than what is absolutely necessary to pass? The reply I get is usually something about employers or colleges looking at grades. Well, Im not planning on going to college, so thats no problem. As for employers, if they want to gauge me by a make-believe standard set up by Society, then I dont want to work for them.
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